Family is a 4 Letter Word

Family. Holidays. Get togethers. F*ck. My. Life.

You know you were thinking it.

There are very few things that cause more anxiety and depression for people in the United States, than holiday gatherings with the family. That is a real shame.

Family should be a source of joy, laughter, connection. Unfortunately, for a great many people, it is not.

For many people it is a reminder of past failures, abuses, hurt feelings, angst, arguments, and feelings of inadequacy. Not only is this heartbreaking, it is completely unnecessary!

In case no one has ever told you, let me be the first:

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE AROUND PEOPLE WHO SUCK THE JOY OUT OF YOUR LIFE

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE AROUND PEOPLE WHO MAKE YOU FEEL LESS THAN WORTHY

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE AROUND PEOPLE WHO DETERIORATE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH AND EMOTIONAL WELL BEING

NOT EVEN FOR THE HOLIDAYS #micdrop

*READ THAT AGAIN*

I can almost hearing you thinking “I wish it were that easy”. It actually is that easy. You simply decline the invite and then make alternate plans. We humans love to make things out to be harder than they are, that way we have an excuse for why we don’t do it. So, I hate to be a myth buster, but yeah, it’s really quite easy.

The last couple of years have found me single on Christmas. What a gift! And while I am blessed to be invited to most holiday parties hosted by my first husband’s family, I decline the invite and make other plans. Why? They are lovely people in their own right, but they are my past. They love to argue, nitpick, make fun of each other, and point out everyone else’s flaws.

No thank you; hard pass.

My new Christmas tradition is a lovely day of hiking. Me with my thoughts, sun on my shoulders, fresh air, trail snacks and whatever nature gifts me with. Its quite heavenly!

Two years ago it was being tracked by a small bison adjacent to the trail, some beautiful white feathers, and an alligator blocking the trail at the midway point.

Last year it was sharing the trail with my roommate; both of us enjoying the lack of pomp & circumstance that usually accompanies Christmas Day.

2020 is the year that I invite you to step off the roller coaster of wasted days, and give you permission to plan a day that fills your soul with peace and happiness.

After all, isn’t that what the holidays are supposed to be about?!

Maybe it’s a new pair of pajamas, binge watching Netflix and eating pizza & popcorn all day. Maybe it’s a day spent in nature. Perhaps a picnic in the park, with a blanket and a really good book.

THIS IS YOUR LIFE; YOU GET TO CHOOSE!

“But, what about the guilt trip?”, you ask. Guilt trips only work if you buckle up and agree to ride. Once you decide that your quality of life is more important than showing up to be your big brother’s emotional punching bag, life gets really freaking awesome!

Life might be short, but it is also way too long to continue doing the same things, year in and year out, that shred your soul and put you in therapy. Be the first person in your family to break the chains of holiday bondage and pave the path for others! Be a trendsetter! Be an inspiration to someone else that needs to do the same! Go. Be. Happy!

If you needed permission, consider it granted!

If you are reading this and thinking “But, I love my family get togethers!” then I am so incredibly happy for you! Go soak up all the good vibes and enjoy every minute. Perhaps consider inviting a friend or a co-worker, one who is not fortunate enough to have such wonderful family experiences. The gift of feeling cared about and included is free, and yet priceless.

Peace be with you,

Teresa

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