Rethinking: “I Have-To”
Ah, the “Have-To’s” of life (*le sigh). That long list of things we convince ourselves we have to do, in an effort to avoid the doom and destruction that we believe will surely follow not doing whatever it is that we tell ourselves has to be done.
There are few things more torturous than the list of Have-To’s that we impose on ourselves. So, why do we do this to ourselves? A laundry list of reasons springs to mind…
Guilt
Peer/family pressure
To avoid feeling like a failure
To meet perceived societal standards
To maintain peace in our households
To stay afloat in the sea of workplace drama
Familial obligations (self-imposed or otherwise)
To give our children a “better life” than we ourselves had growing up
And my personal favorite, good ole’ fashioned Ego
Considering all of the things listed above, is it really surprising that generalized anxiety, depression, and sleep disorders are as common in our society as sliced bread at a grocery store?
What if I told you that the majority of things you tell yourself that you HAVE to do, are really just choices you make based on the things listed above? #mindblown #uncomfortabletruth
I can already hear you rattling off a list of reasons why that isn’t true, and citing examples to back each one up. Your Ego, and your domestic conditioning, are working overtime to convince you that the status quo must be maintained.
Somewhere in the back of your mind, I’m betting that a voice is begging you to consider the truth of what I am saying
Take a moment to acknowledge that voice, and open your mind to the possibility that maybe you don’t have to do all the things that Life has convinced you are necessary.
Ok, meditating in the forest is not necessary, but you get the idea…
Relax your mind. Instead of cutting out all of the things that you tell yourself you have to do, reframe your thoughts from the perspective of choice.
An example of this would be shifting from “I have to go to work today” to “I choose to go to work today, so that I can have discretionary funds for my next vacation”. Realistically, you don’t have to go to work. You don’t have to live in a house. You could absolutely choose to be homeless and live on the streets. You could dig through garbage cans or beg strangers for change in order to meet your basic needs. You choose to go to work. You choose to live in a house or an apartment. You choose not to be homeless.
I live by the mantra “Everything Is Better When It Is A Choice”. I don’t have to make dinner. I can order out, eat cereal out the box, or go hungry. I don’t have to do laundry. I like wearing clean clothing, so I choose to do laundry. I don’t have to be happy and enjoy my life. I could choose to be miserable and unhappy. I like how I feel inside, and how I see myself in the mirror, when I choose to prioritize happiness.
Everything Is Better When It Is A Choice
When we start seeing everything as a choice, we start making better choices. When we acknowledge the things that we do as choices, we start making more choices that enrich our lives, rather than ones that add stress to our lives.
The next time you feel frazzled by your mental list of I Have-To’s, take a breath and ask yourself; do I really have to do this?
Am I choosing to do this because it adds value to my life?
Am I choosing this because it is easier than explaining my choice not to do this?
Am I choosing this simply to appease others and maintain the status quo?
Am I actively choosing this, or am I allowing this to feel like it is being chosen for me by not committing to making a different choice?
Either way, my friend, you are choosing…even if you think you are not
#lifebydesign #notbydefault #everythingisbetterwhenitisachoice
